And On The Topic of Trust…People Bite Back and Fracture What’s Intact

Journal disclaimer:

These journal entries are part of a collaborative process with some
friends that I have where we are given some topics to write about in
order to give us some insight about ourselves.
I decided to do it in blog format.


Trust is an issue I don’t do too well with. It’s probably got
something to do with the fact that it’s such a grey area. I feel
like a lot of people like to use the word trust on such a black and
white scale. Not to say that I wouldn’t get offended or mad if I was
ever lied to, but on certain aspects, I think that there’s a level
of respect in trust when someone lies to make you feel better, to
manipulate you to do what’s better for you, or when the truth can
only break you.
This doesn’t apply to all situations and that’s what I mean about a
grey area. There are obvious situations where this can go very, very
wrong. I don’t really believe that anyone can judge for everyone
where a lie shouldn’t be told. It’s interesting how a conversation
on trust immediately goes to a definition of good lies vs bad lies.
I’d like to disassociate them completely and give my trust to
people, events, and circumstances that help me grow, whether I have
to be lied to or not, to get there.
I’ll get hurt, I’ll get mad, and I’ll stop trusting on a case by
case basis. I still don’t know if I would categorise my trust based
on lies. I look back and sometimes I’m glad people lied to me/I’ve
lied to people if it got us somewhere good.

Living according to my heart the way I do it doesn’t really vibe
well with other people either. I’ve broken a lot of hearts and
expectations along the way (not exclusively romantically speaking),
and I’ve given people a lot of bad impressions by doing what I want.
It’s not something I’ve stopped doing, but something I’ve
consciously began to tone down attention from.
That’s what it means to me, not because that’s the way I designed it
to be, but because it’s a means to an end and it’s never gonna be
completely rosey and perfect.

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